The Little Things Matter

Today, I do not feel like writing about my old family. Or what once was. My step-dad, Lloyd, is part of the past.

So lets make a toast! 

 Uhhhhhh, okay, not that kind of toast................

Much better :D Although..... I do love Toast!!!! So as a tribute to toast, one more picture, The guys' will like this one.

There you guys go, haha. 

Anyways, I think its time to sway away from this conversation, I'm getting quite hungry.

So a toast:

Here's to my mother,

You've been here for me all my life, and to you, I am so grateful. You've never walked out on me when I did something stupid, or reckless, and when I broke my first bone, you were there to take care of me, and do what I couldn't. I told you I was talented :P I must be to have broken my foot dancing. I know that I don't always listen to you, or think that you're right when you are, but hey, that will come later on in years.

P.s. Please don't date anymore guys while I'm still living with you. After what Lloyd did to this family, I don't think I can trust another guy "trying" to be my dad. So unless you want something really embarrassing to happen to him, I'm thinking you should wait till I'm on my own. :P

                                      I love you mom.

To my Grandma,

I miss you and love you. I know I don't come see you often enough and I don't call often enough, I just am out of touch I suppose. What can I say, I have a phone with texting and if I go up there, I have a phone with texting and no service... I'd die. haha.

I love you grandma.

To my puppy,

Hehe, you're stubborn, hyper and have trouble behaving. You're also completely misunderstood, and you're like me in every way. It's amazing how pets really do resemble their owners. I love your eyes, and how your brother and sister had the blue eyes in the family. Your greenish brown eyes are perfect, but lay off the eyeliner :P haha. I love how the moment I saw your picture on the shelter site, I knew you were the perfect dog. My mom liked your brother and sister because they had blue eyes. But I knew, you are the perfect fit for our big house and our small family.

P.s. QUIT EATING ALL YOUR TOYS UP!!! THEY ARE TO PLAY WITH! NOT TO EAT -.- for heavens sake.

To my Aunt,

I miss you. Come visit soon. I act more like you than I do my mother. I like animal print and I'm into wild designs like you. Sometimes, I think you were meant to be my mom, we are so much alike. Plus our temper gets the best of us both. I love you.

And last, but certainly not least, my boyfriend, Conner,

You are my knight in shining armor. I always figured all I'd get is my dork in aluminum foil, but no, I found you. You saved me all those sad, lonely nights when all I could do is just lay there and bawl my eyes out. It's been a tough time for me, and you've been there through it all, I thank you for that, I owe you my life. I'm sorry sometime I doubt your love, but can you blame me? It's to good to be true. It's all soooo right. I'm so happy with you, so happy that it's unbelievable. You're so handsome and I couldn't ask for anyone better, I love you.

Hehe, I'm so glad you all are a part of my family. I'm so blessed.

Oh, The Great Memories You Make With Family

My "family" if that's what you really want to call it, used to take a trip, every summer. They started off fun. Usually we just traveled down the border to California, making sure to stop at EVERY beach along the way (mine and Kim's idea of course)

I remember our first trip down to California, it was late June, and every beach we stopped at, people were wearing parkas, and my step-sister and I were in our swim suits, in the ocean. Oh, everyone looked at us like we were crazy. Haha, they were probably right.

Our next trip was without my step-sister. The longest road trip we've ever taken. We went cross-country all the way to Maryland. We traveled through Montana, Wyoming, Oklahoma, Tennessee, Kentucky and many more, those are the only ones I remember off the top of my head. I have terrible memory.

I got a nice break from everyone when I stayed behind in Maryland, with my Aunt. My mom couldn't understand why I never wanted to call her for those 3 months I was there. I was so happy to get a break from everyone there. Calling would have ruined it all.

We took another trip to California the summer after that. The fighting began to show more and more. We were all happy to be home where we could go off to our separate bedrooms. After that we didn't take anymore big family road trips.

The biggest road trip we took after that was to Spokane, WA. We only stayed for a day and a night. By the time we got to the hotel for the night, my step-sister and I had seen a really hott guy and we were talking about him. Whispering in the back seat. My dad (as I often called him my dad, never my step-dad, never Lloyd) was getting angry, his face glowed red, he yelled "This is the last family trip I ever take with you guys!" when he jumped out of the car in a rage, after parking it, and stormed off on a "walk".

My mom got mad at me for that. I will admit, I argued back with him before he got out of the car. He was pissed because I was being a teenage girl and was talking about a guy, and my step-sister has always been boy crazy, even when she was little.

Lloyd has major anger issues. Several times we have argued, if I would have gotten up and stood in front of him, he most likely would have striked out to hit me.

You know, every time stuff like this would happen, my mother would tell me "He really does care about you and love you hunny." Even the therapist that he and I had to go to together told me this, I just scoffed and refused to talk to him. I'm not big on therapists. Why should I have to pay someone to listen to my thoughts when I could go online and find some random person to talk to for free?

I guess I'm just opinionated, but hey, it's okay to be opinionated. It shows you have a brain, and are an individual.

Dare to be different.

Stay True To Yourself. Be Who You Are.

Often in times of discomfort and despair

We forget who to be

How to act

What to see

Never let someone change who you are

Who you want to be

Who you can be

That's what's amazing

In life  

You can be anyone

As long at you remember one thing

Stay true to who you are

So tell me

Who are you?

11 Years Old Is To Young... Or Was It To Old?

You know, for someone who has a kid of his own, he REALLY sucks at being a parent. I guess it's easier when their younger, aye? We used to be such a "happy" family, as happy as it gets with a step-parent. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm sure there are as many good step-parents as there are bad. But in my experience, bad is what I.... we..., my mom and I, got saddled with.

Before this jerk, *ahem* excuse me, Lloyd, my mom and I were doing perfectly fine. As a single mother she did her best for me, making sure I had what was needed, and most of what I wanted. My heart goes out to all the single parents, it's hard work, especially with all those jerk guys making it a million times worse.

I was 11 when my mom met Lloyd on an online dating site. Well after a few months of them dating, I met my potential step-sister, Kim. I remember it like it was yesterday. We met mid-afternoon at the nearby McDonald's. Right away we hit it off, within 15 minutes we were laughing and playing like we had been life long friends, even though there was quite an age difference. I being 11 and her being 6.

We climbed all over the play place screaming and laughing while our parents talked. We were sad when we had to part for the night. Shortly after, they moved in with us. I didn't see much of Kim though. Her mother had her most of the time, we saw her every other weekend.

I was away for the weekend at my grandmother's place when my grandma, Carol, got a call. It was for me.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Lacee?" I heard Lloyd's voice on the other end.
"Yes." I just stood in my grandma's sewing room, looking out the window at the court yard.
"I have a question, and I want your opinion." I could tell he was alone, that my mother wasn't with him.
I waited for the question.
"I am going to ask your mother to marry me tonight, is that okay?" He asked.
I paused for a second, my heart raced, I was excited! "Yes! ASK ASK ASK!!!" I screamed, smiling.
He said thank you then hung up. I waited by the phone all night waiting for mom to call me and tell me what happened. It's very hard to act surprised when your only 11 years old. Haha.

September 22 they were married. In a court room no less. Then I was sad that mom hadn't had a big, elegant wedding, but knowing then, what I know now, I was quite glad that they hadn't. Waste of money.

Life went on. As time progressed he didn't want to eat my mothers cooking, so we ate out a lot. I gained quite a bit of weight (about 100 pounds). Not just from eating that shit we ate, but from all the arguing, every time I turned around, my parents were arguing. Usually about me. Lloyd thought I was to old to be watching cartoons, and that I should be watching MTV like normal teenagers. I was always doing SOMETHING wrong, didn't matter what it was. He was appalled at how my mother let me treat her the way I did. And yes, I argued with my mother quite a lot, most teenagers resent their mothers, its a phase. And yes, I have a temper. And yes, I'm very stubborn. I never physically harmed her, or anyone for that matter, I was a good child, but to him, I was someone that he had to fight for my mother's attention, and Kim's attention.

You know, looking back, I really was a pretty good child. I didn't drink, I didn't do drugs, I didn't bring home a new guy every week. I may have a sick mind, much like that of a teenage boy, but that is the size of it.

He came into our house, not to be happy with my mother, but to judge every little thing I did. He couldn't let himself be happy, oh no, and if he couldn't be happy, no one could. Just because I wasn't his own child, I was the scum of the Earth. My mom used to be mad that I didn't just let his little side comments slide. Nope. I was not going to let him treat me like I was nothing. He cussed at me, you bet I cussed back twice as bad. He yelled, I yelled twice as loud. I am not nothing. I am a human being with just as many feelings as any other human being out there!

The next time anyone ever tells you that you are worthless, do not believe that. Do not let someone tell you that you are a waste of oxygen on this planet, a waste of space. Everyone is here for a reason, and if someone tells you otherwise, just ignore it. They aren't worth the trouble, and I'm willing to bet they aren't people you want to have around in your life.

Everyone is someone.